Learning how to fight well...
The most common state that couples arrive in a therapists’ office in, is being caught in a self-reinforcing negative pattern that feels like it has a life of its own. The pattern of fight and flight escalates to the point of creating great distress causing couples feel alone and hopeless.
The most common negative dance that couples get into is that of the Pursuer and withdrawer. The pursuer doggedly hounds their partner for connection because they long for it and fear being abandoned. The withdrawer, flees what they perceive as badgering,
The first stage of Emotionally Focused Therapy, focuses on de-escalating this negative cycle and freeing the couple to begin to dance a different dance – one of love, bonding and deep heart-to-heart communication.